What We Learn . . .

I've been thinking a lot lately about when I learned how to do certain things. For me, a lot of it revolves around cooking since the kitchen was the hub of my childhood home. I remember I learned how to shell peas from my great aunt Florence while sitting next to her and her husband on their front porch. I learned how to kill and prepare chickens for butchering from one of my grandmothers (okay, not one of my favorite memories and probably a good reason for why I haven't eaten chicken in almost 20 years). My other grandmother taught me how to make her banana breeze pie, a sort of no-bake cheesecake lined and topped with bananas. I can still see my aunt bent over her kitchen table carefully placing decorations on each of her Christmas cookies.
But there are other things I do as I prepare meals for my family - peel potatoes or slice tomatoes, mix meatloaf or boil corn on the cob - probably all lessons gleaned from my mother but when and where, I don't know. And baking... I chuckle to myself whenever I hear one of the chefs on t.v. mention that you have to be very careful to measure everything exactly when you bake. But, for those of us who still remember our grandmothers baking the old way, by feel, by texture, by taste, we know well that baking is an art to learn, not a recipe to follow.
And through all this, I am reminded, that only a very small part of what we learn is about sitting in a classroom or in another formal setting meant for a lesson to be taught. Most of what we learn is by watching the people around us, be it about cooking or cleaning, or even making beds (I learned how to make hospital corners from my uncle who was in the merchant marines). But even more so than that, we also learn how to approach life, and situations that may be thrown at us, by those that share those moments with us.
That's one of the biggest responsibilities that those of us who are parents face. And no, that doesn't mean making everything into a sit-down-and-take-notes moment. It means showing our children how to handle life and its curve balls, how to accept responsibility for their actions, how to learn to put rules in place, how to accept that you don't always have all the answers. It's a little overwhelming when you think about it, that every moment someone is watching and learning from how you live. But for me, when I put it in that perspective, it serves as a tremendous reminder that I must live what I say so that my children see the lessons I try to put into words also put into action - how to love, to be compassionate, to be patient (I'm still working on that one).
And if one day I'm at one of my grown son's homes and I watch them set the table or carve a ham, I'll know not only where they learned that from, but I'll hope that they also learned some of the other things that that I tried to teach them along the way.

The Lesson of the Burnt Pancakes

So, I finished my post on Friday about "being mindful", and Saturday morning, I found myself rushing around trying to get Caleb out the door for baseball tryouts and Logan ready for his morning swim class. And in the midst of getting breakfast ready for my boys, I was also trying to get the grocery list written so that Duane could go get what we needed to fill the pantry while he waited for Caleb to get finished with tryouts. Can you guess where this is going? Well, I got a big slap in the face when it came to not "being mindful" when I realized that while focusing on my grocery list, I had left the pancakes on the griddle too long. Who burns pancakes? Well, apparently me when I'm not listening to lessons that need to be learned.

I haven't burned any more food since Saturday, but I can't say I've been completely "mindful" at every given moment. This is a huge change for me, and although I hoped it would be something I could make happen quickly since I do see great benefits for myself and my family, that's another lesson to be learned. "Being mindful" also involves being patient. I can be patient, but I also tend to be persistent... those two do not necessarily work well in tandem. This process is a huge battle of wills for me...

But, in the moments I have been "mindful"... I've seen the benefits of doing so. Caleb and I took the dog for a walk the other day, and we had a really good conversation about school. Logan, Haden and I have enjoyed sitting and reading books and playing together. It's not that we haven't done these things before, but I've usually been folding laundry, making dinner or picking up toys while doing them. I thought I'd feel more stressed by the pressure of what I knew needed to get done wasn't getting done while I was taking the time to "be mindful." But, part of diving into this exercise was acknowledging that I wasn't in control of the situation and that I needed to "see where it went" which for me means accepting that what really needs to get done will get done and the rest... well... that remains to be seen.

So, I'm going to keep trying to "be mindful" and hopefully, no more burnt pancakes... although the dog may not be too happy with that!

God Bless!

40 Days

Forty days doesn't sound like an awfully long time, does it? But, I've heard the expression before that if you can successfully maintain a change in lifestyle, whether by adding something new or eliminating something your are currently doing, for a time period of six weeks, just a little over 40 days, that that this change will become a habit.

This past Wednesday, Ash Wednesday, I sat through a sermon on the meaning of Ash Wednesday, and the main focus was Jesus' temptation in the desert as written in Luke Chapter 4. Ironically, the pastor hit the nail on the head about what I had been thinking about when it came to this period of Lent. My 11 year old had been bugging me about what I was going to give up during this Lenten period; he knows well that my brother-in-law usually gives up all sweets during this time. And in years past, I've given up chocolate. But, this year, I wasn't going in that direction. My mind was concentrating on what I could change to put my focus on my relationship with God.

You see God and I have been in this power struggle for a number of years. I say, "Okay, this is yours, you take it." But then, within moments I'm pulling it out of his hands with the thought that I can do this better. It's this push and pull of faith that has left me, well, lost in a way. I know what I believe, but putting it into action is quite another story. I try to be one of those uber-super moms, working 30 or more hours a week while still trying to be the best mom (of my 3 boys) and wife that I can be. Okay, I'll admit, my house isn't as clean as I'd like and I feel like my running sneakers glare at me sometimes when I open my closet door as if to angrily ask "remember us?". And more than once, I've cried all the way home in my car because something kept me at work much later than I expected which means my night at home with my boys would now be cut short. Yes, I'm one of "those" moms.

So, I left the service with one thought... what's keeping me from relying on my faith to lead me, from trusting God enough to truly turn my prayers over to him? I couldn't answer that question just yet. So, remembering the long ago words of a friend, I prayed, "God, hit me with one of those 2"x4's and point me in the direction of what you want me to give up for Lent to open my life up to all that you can do." Well, I woke up that next morning with no clear direction. And, while occupied with the typical morning activities that are involved in getting us all out the door on the mornings I work, I didn't really think about it too much, but then while getting in the car, suddenly, a thought popped into my head. "Be mindful."

At first thought, "Be mindful," didn't sound like much of something to give up for Lent. But then I looked it up (because that's the type of person I am). And mindful means "inclined to be aware" or "attentive." Okay... but, that kind of seemed counter-intuitive to me. I mean, I struggle with my schedule as-is when I'm trying to multi-task as best as I can, now I'm to be mindful, to be attentive to the moment. Huh? But, then the light went off... I've prayed for help on how to figure out how to do all that I need to do and for how to prioritize things to make time for my family first. If I begin to do things mindfully, then I will be forced to prioritize, to eliminate the useless excess from the things I think I need to do. So, I will be giving things up... I'm just not sure exactly what they'll be yet. And this adds a whole extra element to this Lenten challenge since I'm a planner and have a need to know what is going on.

So, for the next 40 days, my plan is to "be mindful." I have no idea where this will take me, but I do know that ultimately this will be one of the greatest tests of my faith yet since it reaches into the very core of the person I am. But, after these 40 days are over, I'm hoping and praying that my life will be quite different and more in line with where He wants me to be.

God Bless!