40 Days

Forty days doesn't sound like an awfully long time, does it? But, I've heard the expression before that if you can successfully maintain a change in lifestyle, whether by adding something new or eliminating something your are currently doing, for a time period of six weeks, just a little over 40 days, that that this change will become a habit.

This past Wednesday, Ash Wednesday, I sat through a sermon on the meaning of Ash Wednesday, and the main focus was Jesus' temptation in the desert as written in Luke Chapter 4. Ironically, the pastor hit the nail on the head about what I had been thinking about when it came to this period of Lent. My 11 year old had been bugging me about what I was going to give up during this Lenten period; he knows well that my brother-in-law usually gives up all sweets during this time. And in years past, I've given up chocolate. But, this year, I wasn't going in that direction. My mind was concentrating on what I could change to put my focus on my relationship with God.

You see God and I have been in this power struggle for a number of years. I say, "Okay, this is yours, you take it." But then, within moments I'm pulling it out of his hands with the thought that I can do this better. It's this push and pull of faith that has left me, well, lost in a way. I know what I believe, but putting it into action is quite another story. I try to be one of those uber-super moms, working 30 or more hours a week while still trying to be the best mom (of my 3 boys) and wife that I can be. Okay, I'll admit, my house isn't as clean as I'd like and I feel like my running sneakers glare at me sometimes when I open my closet door as if to angrily ask "remember us?". And more than once, I've cried all the way home in my car because something kept me at work much later than I expected which means my night at home with my boys would now be cut short. Yes, I'm one of "those" moms.

So, I left the service with one thought... what's keeping me from relying on my faith to lead me, from trusting God enough to truly turn my prayers over to him? I couldn't answer that question just yet. So, remembering the long ago words of a friend, I prayed, "God, hit me with one of those 2"x4's and point me in the direction of what you want me to give up for Lent to open my life up to all that you can do." Well, I woke up that next morning with no clear direction. And, while occupied with the typical morning activities that are involved in getting us all out the door on the mornings I work, I didn't really think about it too much, but then while getting in the car, suddenly, a thought popped into my head. "Be mindful."

At first thought, "Be mindful," didn't sound like much of something to give up for Lent. But then I looked it up (because that's the type of person I am). And mindful means "inclined to be aware" or "attentive." Okay... but, that kind of seemed counter-intuitive to me. I mean, I struggle with my schedule as-is when I'm trying to multi-task as best as I can, now I'm to be mindful, to be attentive to the moment. Huh? But, then the light went off... I've prayed for help on how to figure out how to do all that I need to do and for how to prioritize things to make time for my family first. If I begin to do things mindfully, then I will be forced to prioritize, to eliminate the useless excess from the things I think I need to do. So, I will be giving things up... I'm just not sure exactly what they'll be yet. And this adds a whole extra element to this Lenten challenge since I'm a planner and have a need to know what is going on.

So, for the next 40 days, my plan is to "be mindful." I have no idea where this will take me, but I do know that ultimately this will be one of the greatest tests of my faith yet since it reaches into the very core of the person I am. But, after these 40 days are over, I'm hoping and praying that my life will be quite different and more in line with where He wants me to be.

God Bless!